Life Story: A Search of Smiles Written By : Muiz Ud Din

Life Story: A Search of Smiles

Written By : Muiz Ud Din

I took my birth back in 2000, in a place renowned for its green valleys and mighty mountains. I grew up in the same beautiful and serene place, Yasin Ghizer, Gilgit-Baltistan. Nature was my playground since my childhood. I loved playing with water, making sand castles, chasing butterflies etc. One of the best parts of my life’s childhood was watering the fields with father. I wasn’t perfect in that till five then  gradually perfected that ground.

I don’t know much of the happenings with me till I got admission in a private school at my village, to embark the long journey that awaited ahead. Anyhow, 2004 was when I started going to school. I was an average student in the beginning, getting the remark ‘just pass’ from my teachers. After a couple of years I jumped to the top position. But couldn’t maintain the position and fell back to the same remark ‘just pass’ within a next couple of years.

However, in those days I had an inspiration, a dream that I was going to accomplish, a place I wanted to be in. I dreamt to be the part of Aga Khan Higher Secondary School, Gilgit. Which was called to be ‘a place people dream about’. I had my cousins studying there and they were the source of motivation for me. But more than them, I guess my inner desire was much more prevailing.

I still remember the time when I submitted the forms of AKHSS, Gilgit and test was due within a week. Early in the morning one day, my friends call me off to play. But I returned from the play right after thirty minutes and started preparing for the entry test. “Why did you come back?” my sister asked me seeing me come back. I looked at her and answered, “Going to AKHSS is my dream sister, for that I can compromise anything.” She shook her head with proud, tapped my shoulders and said, “you see, you will make it.”

“Once you make it into AKHSS that’s it then, life is complete, you’re happy then”, people would say such a kind of things. Which doubled my struggle and after giving the test, I was called for the interview and got selected. After I got selection letter I thought as if purpose of life accomplished, as if all things are set now. But I didn’t know that what appeared out to be the end was just the beginning of the beginning and a lot more was yet to come.

Anyhow, it was the greatest achievement of my life and it still is. Many people congratulated me and I embarked a new life in 2012 at Shah Karim Hostel, Gilgit. I was to study there for next five years.

Before jumping into the life of AKHSS, I would like to mention something about my school life. Well, I was a super shy student. Although I could read and write well, but the red color on my face would definitely pop up whenever I wanted to speak. I was little bit confused as well. I still remember one day, my English teacher asked  me to bring her a dictionary and after a deep confusion and struggle I came back with what they called lughat, Urdu dictionary. Everybody in the class mocked at me for that foolishness a whole year.

Apart from this I was a bit good at mathematics but talking to a girl was next to impossible for me. When a girl could ask me a question I would shook like a weak leaf as if to fall down. It was due to this shyness that my friends would tease me with a name of a girl of our school, I just forgot what her name was.

Despite all this shyness, my teachers liked me very much. One of my teachers in the class one day held my hand up and said, “to become like Muiz you will take years, but to destroy yourself like the lofars, the profligates, it just takes seconds.” Those words really touched my heart and I almost got tears in my eyes. I guess that compliment was more due to my moral behavior rather than for my academic achievements. For that quality I owe my mother. Because in the life span of nineteen years I have always seen her smiling face whenever it has turned towards me. I have always seen the real love in her eyes.

Let’s talk about the AKHSS life in Gilgit. Anyhow, when I left home for AKHSS, my mother had tears in her eyes and hugging me lovingly bid farewell to me. I sat inside the van, looked back from the window and looked back at my mother. Her right hand was waving at me and left hand holding her shawl; sweeping away the tears of son’s separation.For a moment I thought to jump out of the van and go back to hug her again the way I did each morning, but it wasn’t in my will so I stayed still and observed her fading away mildly.

I went to Gilgit and the first thing that father gifted me of the success I had achieved was a wrist watch and after seven years I still have that watch in my hands, due to its quality or my care, I can’t differentiate. Anyhow, we bought the belongings and went to hostel. Students had joined it and I was one day late because of stomachache that attacked me. When I said that I can’t go the first day then father asked, “are you scared of the new school?” I turned my eyes to the edges, a bit angry at my father’s remark said furiously, “No! No I am not.”

The next day when my father and I went to hostel, I witnessed tears in his eyes for the first time. The tears were real, compassionate and meaningful. I tried not to notice, tried not to cry, but having my father’s hands held round my neck and my face touching his chest, smelling his satisfying smell. I wept. I wept so frequently that my tears socked the shalwarqameez, clothes of my father. When tears got wet, father released me and said, “Good bye son, take care.”  I said nothing just holding the bag of sweets father had given me. Looked behind him until he looked back from the gate and waved back. I just stared and turned to my room when the gate was shut.

The night before I was sent to hostel I was sleeping with my father. Father was telling me his stories of the hostel’s life. The way his elder brother cheated him with the money. He would take around eighty percent of the money to himself and gave father just twenty percent. I laughed at father’s that story. He further said that in their times there were no lavatories and shampoos, even soaps were rare to be found. “We would wash our heads nearby the river, without soap”, he said blinking at the roof which had the reflection of moon’s light on it, as if imagining how did it feel to wash head in cold water without soap.

While father was talking to me I asked him a question. I was confused about that thing for the whole day. “Abu, which pant should I wear with the blue shirt and which pant with the gray shirt?” And amazingly my father answered me, and the next whole year I didn’t dare to change the combination father had told me. Was I obeying my father, or was I unable to decide for my own? Well, I guess both were right, but later one was mush appropriate. I didn’t have the courage to decide for my own. Beside those reasons for asking that question could be the fact that for the first time in my life so far, I had got a pairs of shirts and pants.

More than having my dream fulfilled, I was happy for the fact that I would not cry for clothes anymore. I would not spend my day in school’s uniform showing my father symbolically that I required new pant. Now father equipped me with clothes and that was the thing which increased the joy I had. Kids like new dress more than anyone.

Hostel life was going on. We had breakfast, then lunch and at last dinner. No in between, as I had at home. No extras and no demands. Just eat whatever has been given or starve. Sometimes we would not like the food and we had to sleep just reminding the dishes mother would make for us. There was no our rule, if we don’t eat no body like mother would come to our bed side and shook us “Look you didn’t eat vegetable and I cooked meat for you.” Sometimes it haunt us a lot but things were out of our control. Sometimes time becomes so much greedy that it keeps all the things for itself and that was something happening at that time. But something was there for me to learn out of those harsh conditions: Discipline.

On Fridays we used to had chicken, and everybody liked it, me too. Dining hall was never empty that day, and that day was more likely for us. Just like me rest of all the students waited for Friday more than Sunday. We loved Friday more, for we had something likely to eat, something we could eat completely.

At school by the way, I saw much difference. In between the students from the city lifestyle and the students from the village lifestyle, there was a huge difference. In the way we talked, the way we looked. We had excess of vitamin D, as in my case. They went tocanteen regularly and we would go till the first week of each month. Because the amount our fathers sent us was limited. That point in my life I leaned to cope up with the crisis. The art of spending life happily without excess of money.

In eight grade I was astonished by the result of my first semester. I failed biology. The person who was competent enough to score ‘A+’, just failed a subject. “People had said that my life is complete if I go to AKHSS.But how could it be by failing a subject?” I thought. I was in deep pressure and feared to share the result with my father. And I didn’t share that result with my father, the only result I hid from my father in my whole life so far. Sometimes, I think we should not tell some stories if we know that we can correct them. I had the trust that I will do better in the next semester so I didn’t tell father.

The next semester I got ‘A+’ in biology and jumped from 26^th position to 19^th in the class. I was progressing now, mildly but I was. Gradually I got in touch with the teachers. And more importantly, there was no one nearer me to decide for me the combination of my clothes, so I started doing that for myself. Well taking biology from just seventeen marks out of fifty to forty five out of fifty took lot of struggle. That failure taught me to handle my own problems, to take the responsibility of my own life and to learn from my mistakes.

Things changed gradually and I started making more mistakes and learned from them. I came to matric and we were to arrange a farewell party for our seniors. Well, that part of my life I will never forget in my whole life. In the party I was told to do the farewell speech in the end. I was partly prepared, and partly fearful that I might commit a mistake. In the whole party I imagined myself standing behind the dice addressing the people sitting in the dining hall that day. In the wait for the end I couldn’t enjoy the beginning, for I wasn’t sure about my potentials at that time.

My name was called upon the stage and I went onto the stage. I glanced at the two hundred people sitting in front of me staring at me as if I were an alien. I grew anxious and started sweating blending with the hurling of my heart. Anyhow, I commenced the speech and right after some seconds I noticed everybody laughing out loud. It wasn’t a funny speech then why did they laugh, I thought internally along with the speech. Well later I came to found that it was my mistake which had made them laugh so loud. Instead of ‘kitchen staff’ I had uttered the word ‘chicken staff’. It was a matter of laughing. I was publicly embarrassed and tried my best not to take my eyes off the page, ended my speech and directly went out of the dining hall because I had no face remained to sit there with such blunder.

Then people started calling me ‘chicken staff’ and yeah it haunted me and discouraged me to speak for the next time. Then one day I read somewhere “If you want success in life you must have two things: ignorance and confidence.” Then I started ignoring my mistake, learned from it and moved on with confidence. More importantly I started laughing at my own silly mistakes. I started laughing at myself. So, one important thing was happening. I was growing through what I was going through. I was changing, changing better. When one of my classmates teased me by saying, ‘chicken staff’, then I replied “Well I made a mistake because I tried, you were just sitting then how could you make a mistake?” I still remember the way he lowered his gaze and went the other way.

Hostel life was just for three years. After matriculation I went to stay rest of the two years at my uncle’s home in Gilgit.Well you can call it my own home for we still are a joint family. I passed my SSC with just two marks short to get ‘A+’. I was happy for I had improved much better. I had had some sleepless nights and unbeaten five hours studying. My position too was jumped from 19^th in the class to 13^th out of fifty.

I took pre-engineering then, because I wanted to be a civil engineer since my childhood. I was in class three where in my urdu’s book a story was mentioned where the person’s job was of engineer. I didn’t know why I said that this is what I need to become. I went back home and asked my father, “abu, how to become an engineer?” The reply of father was simple. “For that you have to be good at mathematics.” I was good at mathematics so I made it my dream to become an engineer.

When I entered college one of my cousins said to me, “Muiz if you can’t score ‘A+’ in first year then don’t dream of taking any government seat for civil engineering.” His words partly pressurized me and partly encouraged me to study much harder. That year I studied from the beginning of the college. I maintained my notebooks, did daily based work and prepared myself for the next day’s classes. It was the result of those sleepless nights and hard work that I scored the best percentage of my life, eighty six percentage. Almost all the people considered first year of college the toughest one to score well. But I broke all the illusions and consider that year the easiest one to score. Also, I got second position in the class in first year. So a failure in biology once now became the topper of the college and that thing was an honor for me.

In first year I had had a different mindset because I had known what my talent was and that was: public speaking. It was on the leaves after SSC examinations that one day I got a thought,  “Why don’t I conduct a session for the youth?” For a moment one part of me said that I can’t do that. But I listened to the other voice in my head which said, “Nothing is impossible, there is nothing you can’t do.” The next day I went to schools and asked students to come to some specific venue ona particular day.

The day came, I was there standing in front of ninety students, observed my heat beat increasing. I took a deep breath and started talking about carrier and my own life story. Gradually I found a serene rhythms coming to my thoughts and my heart beat lowered down and came to normal after some minutes. The more I talked, the more I realized that I was talking well. I was making them smile. I didn’t know in my life so far that I was a humorous and motivating person. That day I talked for about two hours, I hadn’t spoken ever in my whole life. The session ended with perfect and good remarks from the students.

After that session I was kind of new person. The shy person was gone. The scared one was gone. There was a new person now, a person who could motivate people. I also had a god given talent and there I found that talent.

College life was to be ended in 2017 and the pursuit ahead was for university. Five evergreen years at AKHSS were to be ended. People said that if I go to AKHSS then life is complete. But I foresaw another hard work to enter a university. Another four years of bachelors waiting for me.

I gave the test of NUST, but failed to get civil engineering. I failed at UET Lahore for civil engineering. The more my options shrink the more anxious I became. I started worrying about my potentials. I went to Karachi for the last option: Mehran University. I prepared for that test in the month of July and didn’t compromise upon the preparation. That struggle in the month of July decreased my weight around three kilograms. Anyhow I gave the test and got one of the only two civil engineering seats available there. I was happy for the wish of eight years child to become an engineer was to be fulfilled. I was glad for I was about to get the dream that I had for many years.

I joined university in 2017, and started a new journey there. But in the journey so far I still find people saying, “Muiz your life in complete once you get a nice job.” But I wonder that if I wait for the completeness that people are promising me, I would die just wishing for that. Because they had said the same thing when I was about to enter AKHSS.

So considering the remarks of people I understood one thing. I learned that this world is full of struggle. Struggle doesn’t end. If we finish one work, the other comes, then the other and so on. But in this struggle we can change the definition of success for ourselves. We can change the definition of everything for ourselves just the way I did.

Now I don’t consider having money a success, although it is a need of life but for me it is no more a success. To me success is the smile of the girl that I received in one of my sessions. I was moving out of the door, someone behind me called“Sir!” I looked back. There were two girls. One said, “Thank you so much sir, thank you!”. I looked at her and asked, smiling, “why?” She brought the other girl nearer to herselfand said, “We were rude to each other since last two years, and because of your speech we are again best friends. Your one sentence, ‘our life is too short we should live it with love and smiling faces’, changed both of us sir. Thank you!”. I smiledand went on.

That is what I call success now. For in the outer world success means achieving more and always struggling for more.But once we make someone else smile, that is the real success. The one who brings people nearer to each other is the real champion. I consider myself a successful person for I know that I have made many faces smile and that is something I have always been grateful for.

I still take sessions and express my love and happiness through my talks. I love public speaking and that is something I can’t let go. I am shaped by my experiences, good and bad both. I respect both the experiences equally. Once we accept our experiences as our true guide. Once we start learning from our experiences, we take the responsibility of ourselves. Once we control ourselves then can we spread smiles. For smiles have the power to change the world.I completed my search of smiles and made my life’s story a fulfilled one. Those who are unhappy should embark their search of smiles before they end their life’s story.